This is Regret

Three things I regret about that day.
The cruel two-faced time.
The sound of my favorite song,
And the white soap and its foam.

Merciless years trained me into a confused man.
I live in a delirium of a repeating dreadful day,

Please, Time, how many faces you actually have.
Time, how much I should bribe you to get me back into that awful day.

That time, I was filled with rage.
So I beat this guy’s nape with my radio.
I beat his nape mercilessly, he started to bleed and he died on my foot.
He looked so low, with this shocked expression on his face, with blood from his mouth and neck, with face on my foot.
He died, and all I can do was breathing heavily.
He died, and all I did was feeling regret, guilt.

If only that time I was able to control my rage.
Or, if only that time there was no problem between myself and him.

‘What should I do,’ was what I thought that day.
I should’ve called and ambulance, or call the cop or my parents,
Rather than doing reasonable deed about my act, I was standing still,
I was listening to my favorite song on the wrecked radio.

I don’t know how but my shaking body was able to go to the bathroom,
where I washed my bloody hands repeatedly with the white soap,
My vision was so focused on the foam,
I felt the foam was more blurry than usual,
Perhaps that was because tears starting building on my eyes,

I felt

I was the worst being ever breathing..

Years go by but I still repeating those events, thinking what I should’ve done.
I keep repeating questions that no one can ever answer,
Am I a better man now?
When will this turmoil go away?
When will this restlessness leave me alone?
In which way I can possibly repent,

And, should I repent?

Two-faced time provoke me to look from another perspective.
That time, I was trembling out of my conscience,
Crying over his dead body.
I am trembling out of excitement.

He should’ve provoke me more,
His bleeding helpless body,
My dominating body,
My adrenaline rush,
That time, I should’ve killed him in more exciting way.

I am taking a deep breath,
Motions of that day keep repeating,
The wrecked radio,
never has to be that broken,
I shouldn’t hit him till I broke the radio,
He shouldn’t have to dead by the radio, he should’ve just dying,
That way
I could enjoy his pain longer,
That way,
My song could come out in a clearer voice.

As it starting to get clear about what
I’ve been regretting these past year, I come to my biggest regret, that
I shouldn’t have washed my hands.
I should’ve lick his blood clean, and perhaps those excitement I felt after killing a breathing man could doubling.


3 thoughts on “This is Regret

  1. I’m now not sure where you’re getting your info, however great topic. I needs to spend a while studying much more or figuring out more. Thank you for wonderful information I was looking for this information for my mission.


  2. You actually make it seem really easy with your presentation however I find this topic to be actually something which I feel I might by no means understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for me. I’m taking a look forward to your subsequent submit, I’ll try to get the cling of it!


  3. Thanks for another great article. The place else may anyone get that kind of info in such an ideal approach of writing? I’ve a presentation subsequent week, and I am on the search for such info.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s