To Give in To Happiness

I don’t know if I am getting more mature or simply I’ve been stupid this whole time for not seeing it.
I know people come and go and I know and around those people I’ve smiled, I’ve cried and I’ve even begging too.
Some people color my world bright and some throw tantrum of darkness into my painting-of-life,
I feel like in dungeon, yet all the brick, all the concrete colored with magical bright clouds ;
I’ve meet too many person that is unique and cruel,
Is beautiful and broken
Young and dying,
More and more and a lot for me to realize :
I can still smile when you burn my bags, ripping all my papers and my cords.
I’m laughing when you bring me cards of hope and wishful thinking, and hug and caresses, and when you beg me with sad sad words, I was almost rolling.
Yes I was hopeful when you touch my shoulder, I was shivering too like the wind did.
All of the laughter, the compassion, hatred and hope
Weirdly I have no feelings left and I say
‘Hate and love are just names of feelings that never really exist.’
I sounds so cold when I speak it, we choose what to create, what to feel, and that’s when I look back on my enemies, my friends and I just realized I treat them to grow all the love, all the hate I have for them. I did treat them like that, I love them cause I treat them to be lovable and I loathe them cause I look for excuses in them.
It always have been like this, all my life, yet I always thinking about the feeling more, has my action smaller than my feelings?
It means as something big : finally I can choose not to hate. Finally I can say not to hate. This time, under my logic, you’re unconsciously forgiven.

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