Category: you see it a DAILY LIFE

The Brownish Drink Mommy Usually Sleeps with

Mommy told me Daddy left for a while

I tried to feel sad but I couldn’t,

I like the not-bleeding Mom more.

Mommy said she missed Daddy.

‘Mom, Daddy is an asshole,’

‘Kid, watch your mouth,’

‘The other kids also called me that,’

Yeah sure they liked the girl with the thin body and same clothes.

The whispering tells me, ‘they said it’d be better not to involved with that family,

As they were the lowest of human being,

What a poor kid,

To grow in an environment like that,’

Mommy is the only one that likes me, you see.

I cried in the night because I finally able to feel sad,

My Mom stolen by my new sister.,

I don’t like you, new sister.

Being so tiny,

Beautiful,

And Green,

She always sleeps even when she is awake,

‘Mom it’s me,’

‘You damned child, if it weren’t you, he wouldn’t left,’

Mom that is the new sister talking

Whispering whispers into you,

Being cute in front of you,

She is biting you in your sleep,

‘I’m sorry I’m sorry let me pour you the brandy.’

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All I Ever Needed was Something I Could Hold in My Hands

Its marble eyes shining like the moon.

Its lips flamed like scarlet wine,

And its hair, those golden threads, flying beautifully around the soft air.

 

All I ever did was hold on to it.

I held it with all my might on my bed, also my between my dinner,

I held it all the time I was growing up back then,

All I ever felt was another form of love around it.

 

One day it was gone from my two useless hand.

Those holding gesture immediately changed,

My hands were frantically looking for that weirdly precious thing.

It was lost, my hands facing towards the floor that day,

I was a spiritless being.

 

I grew up as a woman with hands facing the floor.

But your hand slyly held my useless hand tightly,

Like you would never let it go.

 

Her scarlet wine-like flamed lips, I wanted to kiss it.

Her marble eyes, I wanted to live by it,

I would do all that while feeling her warmth inside my grasp.

 

“What a magical thing you were,

The very hair of her,” I thought.

“You made this facing-floor-hands turn upward,

You made my hand reaching her ear,

Facing the vast blue-ish sky.”

 

And like usual, things I hold in my hands were gone.

Was it lost in parallel universe, I thought,

Was it lost around my drawer,

Or below my bed, I still don’t know.

Was it lost behind discrimination, I thought.

 

Was she lost from my mind,

Or the society lost their mind,

Just

Never mind,

I’ll find out once I held this rope out.


 

Some of the ‘straight people’ argument about gay couple were right, I must admit. But I just can’t understand why should the straight people should ‘guide’ the gay ones by labelling, discrimination even violence.

Anyway the title was a song title by The Smith Street Band, also the simile for lips was something I read on the internet, wasn’t made by me.

Girl, Call

They call me red because the red light ignites my body.
or because red means stop – no access over there.

They call me black because it is the color of sin.
Also, I live on every dark alley,
on the road full of lust-
Full of animal desire-
I exhibit my red heels,
This dark dirty road is my catwalk,
eyes of the lonely witnessing my elegance,

They call me skank-
I’m just accompany of loneliness,
I’m just a momentary happiness,
They call me slut-
I’m just man’s ally.
I’m just looking for food,
They call me bitch-
I’m just so good at pleasuring you,
I’m just lonely, insecure.
They call me angel,
praising how kind-hearted my soul is,
I always there, ending their misery,
They call me beautiful,
something they can’t ever have,
They praise me because I accompany them,
and I call myself nothing.

I call myself nothing.

Another Nightmare

The fortress I saw in my dream has two hallways.

The first hallway ended on a square reddish room,
The second hallway was too long, I can’t peek what inside it,
All I knew, those hallways emitting a bad aura.

And there was a game.
There were two seperated groups, and I couldn’t feel nothing but terrified.
I asked the game’s moderator,
“can I not join this game?”
I asked that because I knew if I join the game, I would be dead.

The game started and I knew that’ll be the end of me,

Just right when I believed I’ll be a part of two dead groups, I suddenly stand outside the fortress.

I was with a man, young man, I didn’t know who was he but he pointed the smallest part of the fortress and said,
“Look, someone is dead.”

I didn’t feel a thing when I saw a dead human, I was examining that body and a man and a woman was coming, running, screaming,

“Someone is dead.”

The funny thing was the whole place covered by dead bodies. Every high places has dead bodies below it, everyone was jumping, killing themselves.

And there was a man threatening to jump, I ran and followed him, the young man beside me was gone, I ran desperately, trying to reach the man before he jumped, I was beside the fortress, there was a net, and I entered the scariest part of my dream.

I was back seeing the fortress with its two hallways, I was back to into the two groups and I have to play a deadly game, I knew every part of my dream is going to looping, repeating all over again.

This is Addiction

Pulsating,
My vein throb me the sensation of this, This is dizziness,
This is lightness.
Oh I can’t handle that pulsation,
All tricking me, making me think I’m walking straightly.

Pulsating,
My anger is forgotten,
My worries folding,
My happiness,
They are quivering,
Now this is a sensation,
Cause what I feel is a good oblivion.

Pulsating,
My chappy lips,
My blindfolded eyes,
This blindness means euphoria.
Seeing with my skin,
My vein pulsating,
I am pulsation.

I’m saying goodbye to the heavenly sensory,
This is a deceitful pulsation,
This is a sensory, this is a body that going to be dead so
I’m saying goodbye to the heavenly sensory,

Eyes closing,
This is pulsation,
This is earthquake,
This cold sweat.

Eyes closing,
This is ice, not blood, eyes closing,
This is fire,
Not body.

This is a hurtful signal to stop so I step out of my bed,

I took back my heavenly pulsation,
I’m back pulsating,
I’ll make it up, you watch me,
I’ll stop it all,
You know me,
I’ll throw it all tomorrow,
I’ll detox it all,
Tomorrow.

Another Drink for Later

My first memory was me laughing with him.
He’s been around so much.
He’s like a watch to me, only when I take a bath he’s not around.

“You look good.”
I laugh because I know he is telling the opposite.

I laugh because I know no cancer patient that going to be dead because they can’t find lung donor looks good.

“I feel like crap. Give me another morphine.”
“You’ll dead of OD, idiot.”

He just keep looking at me while I’m coughing, feeling my lungs is tearing.

This is a moment.
This is a moment whether I’m going to feel remorse of not living my life the fullest, or I’m going to die feeling content.
This is a crucial moment.

I laugh, “Life’s suck.”
He’s just staring at me. Now he evert his eyes, voicing this sentence as quiet as he can,
“I don’t think mine is.”
He is back staring at my eyes again, “Don’t us always have a crazy drink every time life fucking with us?”
“Ha ha.. hell yeah. I really wish we can have another toast.”

That’s it, I’m crying, over the fact I can’t have another drink with my best friend, over the fact I’m going to be dead in a minute, over the fact how lame my own organ about to kill me, over the fact I don’t deserve cancer, but then he open his mouth,

“We will have another toast, right?”

He is longing, not looking at my eyes.
There is a hidden expression of seeing an altar on it,
His eyes worshipping mine, his lips smiling at me,
I understand,
I know, I understand, and so he tell me,

“Next life.”

That is pair of eyes loving.
That is a hand gesturing sadness in happiness,
That is a sentence encouraging braveness,

That is a smile I need to look to.

That is a smile that stating my last memory is something beautiful, as something filled with hope.
This is a smile that telling me I’ve achieve everything great while I’m alive, a smile that telling me I’m won over this illness, I’m greater than anything, I’m brave, I’m going to have another toast with him, another drink on our next life.